Good, Better, Brighter
In my last post, I felt that things were swaying a bit too dark. It slid too far to the side of negativity and it left a sour taste in my mouth. Though that post ended on a more positive note than it started, reading it back made me feel a bit disappointed in myself. I was doing more complaining rather than celebrating what should really matter. The author of the last post is the person I am working on leaving behind in order to focus on good things and what is most important in life.
I don’t ever want to be remembered for, or thought of as a complainer or a negative person to be around. Upon some of the self-reflection I did during my leave of absence, I found myself guilty of falling down that rabbit hole a lot in the last year and it didn’t make me feel good. I have been so focused on what upsets me or what is going wrong instead of the things that make me happy and what is going right. I am truly blessed with so much good and love in this life and I simply must do better to notice and remember that.
Though, as I mentioned in my last blog post, mental health cannot be understated or underestimated. It is amazingly powerful. It can make you overlook so much good around you and the wonderful moments you experience, while at the same time, keeps pulling you into the dark recesses of your mind. But it doesn’t have to win. And I am not going to let it!
That is joy!
In this very moment as I write this paragraph, a perfect example of one of the most amazing and magical moments is happening. It couldn’t have happened at a more appropriate time.
My daughter LOVES ‘In the Hall of the Mountain King’ by Grieg. Which just happens to be one of the best pieces of music ever written. She asks to listen to it every day before school. She just came up to me and asked to listen to it for the second time today. When we listen, and as the music builds, she gets so fabulously excited and animated. Bouncing up and down, laughing and then we just dance around the kitchen like crazy fools. It’s indescribably beautiful and pure.
As difficult and challenging as it can be raising an autistic child, it’s those kinds of moments that Ella is a guiding light in showing me what true unbridled joy and happiness looks like. These are the moments that I need to have ready to remind myself of during the times when things aren’t so great. The darkest of moments don’t stand a chance against that!
These two goofballs. God I love em!
Without shame, I will repeat myself in saying that I am truly blessed with so much love and goodness around me and I have so much to be thankful for. In Ella, I have a child I never thought it would be possible to have, who is so amazing and so magical in her ability to make me happy and smile. A daughter who stirs feelings of love in me every day that are impossible to describe in words. In Micah, I have a loving husband who has put up with me and stuck by my side through all the good and the bad for over 17 years, without whom we wouldn’t have been given the the gift of our beautiful, miracle of a little girl. As well as the rest of my family and friends of course of whom, it cannot be overstated, have been there for me whenever I’ve needed. I cannot thank the universe enough for what I’ve been given in this life. I am truly looking forward to training my mind to focus on all of these amazing and wonderful things and never let go. I have no illusions of this being the easiest of mental journeys to embark on. It isn’t a light switch(unfortunately). It is a life goal and I am going to do whatever it takes to get there.
Inevitably, or shall I say fortunately, the outlook of discovering and holding on to the good in my world will find its way into my creative psyche. With all of the flaws we have, I believe that creating beautiful and inspiring works of art is something that we humans actually get right. In the spirit of everything mentioned above, I am challenging myself to re-focus my mind to being the multi-medium artist I used to be. I love creating things in so many different ways. Sculpture, ceramics, drawing and painting, textiles and so much more. Though photography is my one true love when it comes to artforms, I’ve never wanted to limit myself to just one way of seeing and creating things. I was always writing down ideas, doodling and drawing in my sketchbooks. There was so much going on up there! I know I have more in there just waiting to be discovered and created. I miss having that mindset. I lost it along the way somewhere and it is just simply going to have to come back. It doesn’t get a choice. Ok! Glad we got that settled…
On to brighter things!
“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” - Vincent Van Gogh
